HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
