just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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