So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
