took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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