I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
