piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
