btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
