My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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