dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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