I love black thongs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
