I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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