flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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