In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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