i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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