i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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