Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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