He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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