I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
