If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
