my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
