I wannas sexs uuuuu
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am one with the molecules
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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