I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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