If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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