Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
