New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
