Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
