I think my vagina is haunted
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
