So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
