The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think your dad took our porno
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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