Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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