Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
