we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
