can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
