well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
