my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
