i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
