if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
