First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
