So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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