It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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