I bet he comes in French.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
