Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
