roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
