i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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