New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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