lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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