the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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