That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
