I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
