1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
